A final thank you

Gentle reminders surround me on a daily basis. Reminders of a better life. Reminders of what I once had. Throughout my house are things that prove that you can't take it with you. Things that first my daughter, and then my wife, left behind. Wood, hay, and stubble. Things that seem so important to us at one time that don't really matter in the long run. 

My family did more than leave behind clothing, furniture, toys, and vehicles. They left behind something more precious. They left behind life. In April of this year I was honored to go and speak to a gathering of mostly medical professionals. These are people that live with life, and death, on a daily basis. People that do a sometimes thankless job. Especially when that job results in a less than desired result. 

My speech that day was designed to let the doctors, nurses, lab techs, and anyone else involved in patient care know that they are appreciated in spite of the tragedies they have to face on a daily basis. I could never be a hospice nurse, an oncologist, or an ICU nurse. I would want 100% of my patients to survive. And I'm sure those professionals want the same thing. Unfortunately that will never occur. No matter how hard they struggle. And, so often that is a thankless struggle. 

My wife and daughter were organ donors. I remember vividly when my wife and I were approached in the emergency room by the ER physician who let us know that, while our daughter had no chance at life, someone else could. I remember getting the letter weeks later letting us know that she had saved or improved the lives of at least 5 people. I checked on these people through the Mississippi Organ Recovery Agency. Although I never knew their identities, I did find out a little bit about them. Some have survived. Some have not. But someone out there is alive because of my little girl. I think that makes her a hero. 

This week I got my first letter from a recipient. I never heard from any of my daughter's recipients but I had finally heard from someone who was able to live an improved life thanks to my wife. This grandmother can now go watch her grandchildren play ball. She can go on vacations without worrying about going through dialysis instead of enjoying family time. And she thought to say thanks. 

I have a bulletin board at my office with an interesting collection on it. I collect thank you notes. They are so rare these days that I thought it would be nice to look at and occasionally be reminded that someone appreciated something I had done for them. But never have I received as important a thank you letter than the one this woman wrote to the donor family. 

No greater love exists than a man lay down his life for a friend? I'm not so sure. I think the greater love exists when a man, or, in my case, two women, lay down their lives for someone they never even met. 

This thank you letter will one day be placed in the center of my bulletin board. It will be read daily as a reminder to me that my wife still lives on. That a very real part of her walks this earth today. That a part of her is responsible for hugs, kisses, tickles, giggles, and laughter that this earth would have otherwise been missing. 

If you haven't considered it before I beg you to please consider donating the gift of life. Don't wait for your family members to have to make the decision for you. Go to http://donatelife.net/register-now/ and register to be a donor. The peace that your family will be left with knowing that you still live on will be worth it. I promise. 

Play the Game Tonight

The remains of the storm had blown through as I prepared for a step in my journey I knew I needed to take but didn't want to. In this year of new firsts I was about to face another. And although I knew I had a network of friends to support me, I let very few know what I was about to do. You see, there comes a time when you get tired of seeing that face. The one that we all possess. And this morning I had spoken with someone else who knew she too would see that face. It almost makes a soul not want to venture out. It is the face of sympathy. The head is tilted slightly as you hear the words, "So, how are you doing?" I didn't want to see that face or hear those words because to do so meant that what I was about to face was as difficult as I imagined it was going to be. 

The event I was about to endure was a worthwhile event. I've attended faithfully for the last 7 years around this time each year. And, one advantage of going to this event was that I would not see the sympathy face since others attending would be focusing on their own losses. 

Today I attended my first Christmas tree decoration of the year. But this tree is unlike any one you will encounter in a home. This tree does not have gifts shoved under the lowest hanging boughs. Instead the gifts are already given and pictures of what once held those gifts are scattered on nearly every branch of this tree. You see, this particular Christmas tree is placed in our local mall to honor those individuals who gave the gift of life to others through the selfless act of organ and tissue donation. Each year the Mississippi Organ Recovery Agency invites donor families to place a picture of their beloved donor on this tree in honor of the sacrifice they made. But the true sacrifice was witnessed on the faces of the dozens of people gathered around this tree. The donors had given what they would no longer need while those gathered around the tree had given what they would love to have back - their loved one. 

It was my hope that the sympathy face would not show up at an event that brought together so many that had lost so much. And, had I only placed one picture on the tree, that's probably what would have happened. But I had a second picture to place this year and the sympathy face came out in full force. And if you've ever experienced an overload of the sympathy face you know that it becomes even more difficult to hold it together. 

Tonight I placed the pictures of the two people I have loved most in my life on this tree. I know that the people whose lives they saved are very thankful that those pictures are there. And I know that Wanda and Beth would be proud of the lives they were able to save. But, being brutally honest here, I wish someone else had stepped up to save those lives. I wish I didn't know as much about organ donation as I did. I wish that I had gotten to know all of the new friends that I have made through organ donation some other way. But I don't get my wish. Instead I get to fight off Angry Me one more time. 

This year, as you think about the things you are thankful for, be thankful for two things specifically. Be thankful that you have your loved ones with you this holiday season. And, secondly, be thankful that there are individuals and families who were willing to make the sacrifice so that others may experience Christmas with their loved ones. For they received the greatest gift - the gift of life. 

And, if like me, you can't be thankful for those things, then I pray that God brings you peace for Christmas. That, and very few sympathy faces. 

Gift of life

Christmas decorations abound throughout the mall this time of year. (They abounded just after the Independence Day decorations came down I think.)

Christmas joy is pushing its way through the crust of Ebenezer's spirit and even the Grinch's heart is swelling at least two times. Patrons of area businesses are doing their best to maintain their composure while unselfishly allowing others to get the last iPad on the shelf. Smiles abound on the faces of the children as they politely tell their parents to save their money and not buy that expensive toy this year.

At one end of the mall the real live Santa Claus takes time from his busy schedule and sits on his throne patiently waiting for the next cherub to find a spot on his knee and tell wonderful St. Nick what the elves should be preparing this year. The twinkle in the jolly man's eye lets us all know that he can already taste the milk and cookies.

This is the year that Santa is sure he will not be bitten by a dog, nor have his dry-clean only outfit soiled by a child in a dirty diaper, while pictures are taken to record this momentous event. He also knows that all of the children who are fighting that winter cold are sitting at home waiting until they are no longer contagious before they walk through the mall touching everything they want and snuggling up with the great bearded one. He wishes them all a speedy recovery.

At the other end of the mall, however, is where the true spirit of Christmas abounds. There you will find a tree that has no presents under it. A tree that is adorned with sadness for many, but a tree that is decorated with the pictures of those that gave the greatest gift of all - the gift of life through organ donation.

Take a moment and bring your children to see this tree. Please don't look on this tree with sadness. Instead look on it as a tree that, due to the unselfish nature of the individuals pictured upon it, has brought great joy to many other families across the country. Right now there is a family celebrating another Christmas with their wife, husband, mother, father, son or daughter thanks to the generosity of these donors and their families.

While the families of these donors would love to be spending the holidays with their own loved ones, it may offer some comfort to know that many others will be having their most wonderful Christmas ever.

I know it does for me.

Merry Christmas.