Alone again

Last night I learned a lesson. It was one that I thought I knew before but the view I got was completely different this time. I was alone. All by myself in a sea of people. I chose to end a long day by relaxing at a sporting event. Alone. I went by myself. Sat by myself. Cheered by myself. Left by myself. Yes, tonight I was alone. But I wasn't lonely. And tonight I welcomed the difference. 

Just a year ago I felt what it was like to be lonely. What it was like to be in a large crowd but feel so alone. I didn't like it. Not one bit. To me, one who is very much a people person, there was a big reason that “The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone." So I was so happy when He again found the helper who was a suitable mate for me. 

But you, my dear reader, may not be there. You may not know what it is like to be alone without being lonely. You may be struggling and asking yourself why you have to face this life alone. And the answer to that one question is the greatest gift I could give you. But, alas, it is not my gift to give. I wish that I could put a timetable on your loneliness. Some sort of red letter day to let you know that loneliness will end. I have not forgotten the pain of wanting desperately to hold someone special in your arms again. The actual physical ache that cannot be fully understood by someone else until they too have been through it. The end to my pain finally arrived. Yours will too. Even though you may feel that frustration. That sense of dread as you go to bed and lay your head on your tear soaked pillow wishing someone were there beside you. Even though you see no end to your days of trying to choke back that ever present lump in your throat as you write one name only on a return address. God sees it. God sees the red letter day. God sees that it is not good for you to be alone. And God has the timing already in place. 

For several years I lived in the same town as my new forever. Went to the same church. Shopped in the same stores. Frequented the same restaurants. So many times our paths came ever so close to crossing. But they didn't. They didn't cross until God wanted them to cross. I've said before that the Holy Spirit will bring you peace but the Holy Spirit cannot come down and hug you. He cannot physically entwine His fingers within yours. Cannot reach His foot over in bed and find yours in the middle of the night. But He can bring you someone who will. He WILL bring you someone. Like Adam, you may have to set about the task of naming animals. You may have to set your mind on the tasks that God has assigned to you rather than on what is missing, but eventually you will look up and see that special someone just waiting to help you with that task. And in that moment, whether it is a sudden flame or a slow boil, you will know. 

It is not good for him to be alone. It is worse for him to be lonely. Thank God for the suitable helper. Now may the God who brought me mine bless you with yours. 

In His timing. 

Image via creation.com

I'm giving up

God gave me more than I can handle. I'm sorry to say that I have just had to give up. And that was the end of the beginning. Whoever it was that said that God will never give you more than you can handle is a big fat stinky pants liar. God often gives us more than we can handle. Each of us. Some of us on a daily basis. But why would a God that loves me as much as he says he does give me more than I can handle? What kind of purpose does it serve? What good can come of it? 

During this past year, heck, over the last eight plus years, hundreds have done their best to help me carry his load the Lord dumped on my shoulders (cause I certainly didn't deserve this). But you, my friends, have failed. Yes, you may have temporarily eased the pain, but you couldn't make it go away. I've been emotionally waterboarded. My life has been filled with more pain than I can handle and more than my friends could handle for me - no matter how hard they tried. Why would God do that to me? Does he really hate me that much?

Anyone that knows me knows that I would never truly blame God for this temporary trial. I also have never questioned him. I've just tried to look at the last few years as being the leveling of the playing field. I was blessed with so much for so long that it was bound to happen. After all Steve Jobs amassed a fortune that he couldn't take with him. He gets blessed more than I could ever hope to be but can't spend it now. I was blessed with a wonderful family for several years. Now I am alone. 

So I officially have given up. There is no way I can carry this load like this. Alone. God gave me more than I can handle. 

But it's not more than he and I can handle together. And I have found that I can turn over more and more of the load to him. And guess what, he is phenomenally strong. He can handle this burden so I don't have too. He can lift it from my sore shoulders. And he has. The funny thing is I seem to think that if he will just carry it for a little while that I'll rest and take it back from him. But he doesn't want me to take it back. And I will admit that I like the shoulders being a little less sore lately. 

So if you see me walking down the street whistling a happy little tune don't think it is because I'm over it. I'm not. Instead I have God's love and peace over me. I may not be over it, but he's over me and that will return a smile to my face every time. 

What are you doing with your burden. Are you like me? Do you keep giving it to the Lord only to try to take it back from him because you don't want to burden him with your troubles? Have you ever seen a child struggle to carry something that is very heavy to them? You reach down and take it from them and they are awestruck at your strength. I think it's time we both learned to be awestruck. Can we both agree to just give it up?

I think I found the purpose. I think I've found the good that can come of it.