And the two shall become...

Amputees call it phantom or ghost pains. That feeling that a missing limb is still there even when it's not. I'm sure it has to be frustrating. An itch you can't scratch. A pain you can't treat. I'm also sure that a new amputee probably forgets that limb is missing. For years you have always reached for something with your right hand. Now that hand isn't there but you reach for something with your arm not remembering for that brief moment that limb is missing. Not only is it frustrating but it's also a painful reminder of what is no longer there. 

Ghost pains of the heart are the same way. You can't scratch that itch. You can't tend to the pain. A part of your very soul is missing. The scriptures refer to marriage as the two becoming one. So, this new math also means that removing one from the two equals less than one. And here you are complaining about Common Core mathematics. 

Amputation has left me at less than one now. This removal of the love of my life has made me less of a man. Some moments my brain tricks me into thinking that the missing part is still there. I reach for the phone to call her. I'll reach my foot over in bed to find hers. I'll open the garage door. Any number of things can occur that make me act out of habit. But then realization sets in. And it sets in hard. 

Some days the overwhelming weight of it all will strike me causing me to lose focus. My eyes don't work right. Words get jumbled in my mind or disappear altogether. I'll say or text things to friends and wonder what the heck was I thinking? (Nothing like thinking you are telling a young female friend to let you know if you can do anything FOR her only to hit send and realize you text the word TO instead of FOR!) I travel in time in my mind to better days or to future events that I know won't be good. And before I know it an hour or two has passed and I don't know where the time went or how I got where I was. 

Last night a young boy saw the rings on my hand - both mine and Wanda's. he looked a me with a 6yo wonder and says, " You are married to two people?" No, son, I am only married to one.

And now, the one shall become less than one. and the ghost pains will be there for years to come.