Bbbbbbird, bird, bird. Bird is the word.

I'm thankful for my family and my friends. I cannot count the number of people who have invited me to spend Thanksgiving Day with them. And each one of you are such a blessing to me even as I turned your invitation down. There are just too many good memories to be shared around your Thanksgiving dinner table. Memories to share of holidays past. Great memories. And you don't need me there to spoil that.  You will probably make even more memories as you look at the spread before you and wonder how you will ever eat all of it. And you won't. Many of you come to the meal with containers empty and ready to take leftovers home with you. You'll laugh and eat until you are about to burst. The men will all unbuckle their pants to allow a little more breathing room and retire either to the living room to watch football or to the fields for hunting. 

This Thanksgiving I will not be making wonderful memories over a freshly carved turkey. I will not have to turn down someone's offer of a spoonful of dressing or cranberry sauce. I will not smell the apple pie baking or drink my weight in sweet tea. I have chosen to be alone. 

Please don't worry about me. I will be fine. I will treat it as I would any other off day. I will sleep in. I'll probably work in the yard. I will sit on the couch and watch some football. I do have some deli sliced turkey in the fridge so I will probably have a turkey sandwich to remain true to tradition. I will probably fall asleep in the middle of the afternoon and blame tryptophan. And I'll probably dream of John Madden trying to say tryptophan. I love Jesus, but I do drink a little. But not to forget. I can never forget and will never try to drown sorrows that way. Instead I will raise a silent toast to those no longer with me. 

The family I no longer have with me physically will look at me behind wooden and plastic frames scattered around the house and wonder why I am still there. I am still there because they are still there. Their very essence permeates the rooms. It is here that I feel closest to my wife and daughter. It is here that I feel I need to be. It is here that most of my memories can come flooding back. 

Don't weep for me. Don't worry about me. I'm learning to be alone and this is my first major test. I have friends coming in the evening so I will not be alone the entire day. I'm even trying my hand at cooking... well, at preparing snacks. I think my first solo run at the homemade cheese ball is a success. I've even bought stuff to fix a real breakfast in the morning. 

Getting through the last several holidays without my little girl has been tough. But together Wanda and I made it. Getting through the holidays without either of them will be a greater challenge. How I handle this day will determine my approach to both Wanda's birthday and then Christmas. Personally I think it will all hinge on the cheese ball.