You've got a friend in me

As a guy, and maybe even as a woman (I don't know since I've never been one), it is sometimes difficult to lay ourselves bare. To admit that we are weak. To show that pain hurts us as much as the next person. To be vulnerable. The pack mentality sets in. If you expose your weakness then someone is going to pounce on you and cause even more damage. If you don't believe me just ask your husband, boyfriend, brother, or father. They won't tell you. 

Today I faced one of those events that was, as a friend of mine called it, an emotional land mine. I like that term (although I don't like the actual land mine). I had some business to clear up in Wanda's name. As I sat across from the public official I had to face I had to explain that I needed something taken out of Wanda's name and put into mine. One of the legal hoops I have to jump through is showing a death certificate. The actual piece of official paper calls it a certificate of death. In other words I had to prove that my wife was dead. I wanted to rip my chest open, pull out the remains of my heart, lay it on the counter and say, "Here! Look at this heart. Is it not proof enough? Do you not see this lump in my throat, the tears streaming down my face? What more proof do you need?" Yes, Angry Me was bubbling up from the surface and was about to take frustrations out on this poor public servant who was just doing her job. But I throttled Angry Me and simply looked through misty eyes and told her I would be back with the proper paperwork. 

All of this occurred after having lunch and a great visit with a sweet friend. I had, momentarily, been on a high note (well, higher than the normal lows I experience). That faded fairly quickly. Fortunately my business for the day had not ended and my next trip took me to the office of a good friend who basically looked at me and asked me how my day was going. That's when the floodgates opened up. Rather than pounce, however, this man looked at me and told me to take my time, he had all day. Now I doubt he really had all day, but he did give me an hour to talk. And he gave me good advice as well. I figuratively rolled over and exposed my soft side to him and rather than rip me to shreds he rubbed my belly. (Believe me when I say that was figuratively speaking. I wasn't allowing that man, no matter how good a friend he is, near my literal belly. I just wanted to set that straight before going any further.)

The afternoon ended with a quick visit with a former coworker and her son. What made me smile inside the most is that the young man seemed genuinely glad to see me and blushed when I told him how proud I was of his progress in school. After my visit with them I rushed off to my dinner date. Again I found myself showing my aching heart even though I tried to suppress it. And again I was not attacked by a hungry wolf trying to get out of me all they could and leave me tattered and torn. Instead they picked me up and helped bandage my wounds. I invited this wonderful couple over to the house and we sat and visited more. Now the stories were good stories. Good memories. Sure, there were tears. But the fond memories gave me enough strength to go find the paperwork needed to finalize this little bit of business I have to do. 

I have devoted my life to trying to be there for others. I have tried to be a friend to those with few. I have done my best to inspire and motivate. And, yes, I have been abused and taken advantage of more times than I care to remember. But I believe I have gotten where I am in my journey with the help of the friends I have made along the way. And my friends will continue to carry me. If you haven't lived your life in a manner that provides you with true friends then may I recommend that you start today. It will be one of the best investments you can make and I promise, these investments will pay off in the end. They have for me.