War, uh, what is it good for? Absolutely nothing.

After the loss of a loved one, every day becomes a battle. After the loss of a second  loved one it is all out war. There is a war with grief. A war to keep your sanity. A war to battle depression. A war to keep from distancing yourself from others. A war to think straight. And even a war to go to war. 

With every conflict there are casualties of war we must face. I've lost people I thought were friends who one day tell me to contact them if I need anything and the next day they are nowhere in site. Fortunately for me, I've been blessed with more friends who have easily stepped up and stood in the gap. I chalk it up to the fact that most of us don't know how to deal with someone else's grief so we would rather not face it. And the last thing I want to do is make someone uncomfortable around me. However, there are other ways to handle it if you can't stand to be around someone who is grieving (see my blog post entitled "What Not To Say"). 

Another casualty of war is my brain. As you age you struggle to keep your memory. Some of us are better than others in this regard. When you are in the midst of grief you find that even everyday words and thoughts are difficult to come by.  When our Beth left us Wanda was fond of saying that she took half of our brain with her. This means I've been operating for the last seven years on half a brain (assuming there was a whole one there to begin with). After Wanda's passing I'm not sure if I'm left with half of the half or if it is gone altogether. Case in point: a flight attendant asked me if I wanted something to drink on a recent flight. I was very thirsty and definitely wanted something but I couldn't come up with the words Ginger Ale for anything. And I was afraid to just say, give me that drink that starts with a G or I could've gotten anything from grapefruit juice to Grey Goose. 

I am finding now that another casualty of war is my business. My company is known for customer service and professionalism. It is what sets us apart from our competition. I lost a customer today because I was not there for her. She was referred to me by another customer but whenever she came to see me I was out of the office. She let me know this today and told me that she would not be back because I was never around. And, although I could offer up a very good excuse for my absences, she was absolutely correct. And, if I am not cautious then my story, which is beginning to mirror the story of Job, may fall more in line with that Old Testament story than I would care for it to be. 

If you have been a casualty of war I want to say that I am sorry and there is really no excuse. Life goes on - for most folks. Those of us that are traveling this journey of grief would do good to remember that we can be of little use here on this earth when we focus on our trials more than the blessings God has given us. Thank you for being my blessing, dear friend. I only hope I can return the favor.