Hit me with your best shot

The ebb and flow of grief still astounds me. I've mentioned before that some days are better than others but I think the reverse is more true. Some days are worse than others. Two days ago I had a day that was somewhat tolerable. If I had not travelled down this road before I would say that it was an indication that I was finally getting better. But I know that is not the case. I have determined that these days are often the calm before the storm. Sometimes the storm happens quickly and other days it drags out interminably. 

I live in a small community. But even with that, and the massive popularity of this blog 😜, there are some people that still do not know of my loss. Yesterday this became painfully obvious. A long time acquaintance called me at my office to ask if I was going to be there for awhile. I told her that I would be and so she rushed over. She had just heard that morning about my most recent loss. She did the right thing by me and simply told me she was sorry and then she gave me a hug and held me for a minute. Less than an hour after she left I got a phone call from a friend that wanted to check on me and let me know of a future event that will be honoring a number of organ donors. This event will include both my wife and my daughter (And will be included in a blog post within the next month). The trifecta occurred mere minutes later when another customer came in (is it any wonder I'm spending less time in the store) and asked me how I was holding up. The look on her face said she knew, but the words that came out of her mouth proved my assumption wrong when she asked if my wife was still driving 100 miles to work each day. I had to tell her what had happened. And, a few minutes later, behind the closed door of my office, the dam broke and I let the grief wash over me. Who knew that emotional pain could be so physically painful as well? Well, actually, I know the answer to that question. Me.  

Like the victim in a dunking booth, you know the submersion is coming suddenly, you just don't know when someone will hit the target. But the target will always be there waiting for the well aimed throw. And the person tossing the baseball will not intentionally throw it to hurt, it just happens. So with a loud clang you find yourself gasping for breath praying you will be able to stand and get your head above water. I pray you find the strength to stand. And I ask for your prayers as well.