Angry Me

Psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross introduced us in 1969 to the Five Stages of Grief. They are, denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. And she expressed them in that order. Several weeks ago an uncle of mine told me that he saw, during a three day stay with him, that I had expressed a lot of emotions but one thing he had not seen was anger. And he was right. He had not seen anger. Not that anger wasn't there, he just had not witnessed it. Now I'm sure that Dr. Kübler-Ross had her reasons for the order she selected and I am not psychiatrist, but I am not following the prescribed order. I had been upset but I never really went through a stage of anger and I've already gone through the acceptance stage. But lately the anger has been welling up in me and I realized something. I don't like it.

If you've been on this earth as long as I have you may remember the old TV show, The Incredible Hulk. Bill Bixby's character would look at people and say, "Don't make me angry. You wouldn't like me when I'm angry." Well, that is me. I do not like Angry Me. You wouldn't like Angry Me either. Angry Me is not nice. Angry Me is a selfish SOB. He starts thinking of his own needs before others. He is known to scream, "That's not fair!" He takes the anger out on others in a variety of ways. He uses people for what they can do for him, rather than thinking of what he can do for them. 

Angry Me is starting to rear his ugly head. There is only one thing uglier than Sobbing Me and that is Angry Me when he is sobbing. Angry Me believes that every bad thing is the fault of someone else rather than himself. Angry Me has not really shown his ugly head in over a quarter of a century. Because he had someone to take all of the tension away. Someone who loved him in spite of his temper. Someone who was surprised and pleased when Angry Me started coming around less and less. That someone is no longer here to keep Angry Me at bay. And I pity the fool that is around when Angry Me really shows out.  

I am doing the best I can to keep Angry Me from showing up, but sometimes, just like Bruce Banner, sometimes the big guy can't be held back any longer. Many of you have missed my beloved like I have. You may start to miss her more when Angry Me comes around with no one to calm him down. 

No, I don't like Angry Me. I like putting other people first. I don't like to be looked at as a user who doesn't care for other's feelings. I am praying that God can help me keep Angry Me from showing up or keep you out of his path when he does. I don't like apologizing in advance. Apologizing in advance means that I know I'm going to hurt someone and I don't care. That's not me. That's Angry Me. But it's where I am right now so I am asking forgiveness. I'll do my best and please know that Angry Me is no respecter of persons, but I am. And, just like the Hulk, I may need someone to talk me down. To talk some sense into me. To bravely face Angry Me and look deep inside for Real Me. He has to be in there somewhere.