We all need the human touch

Today marked the end of the first 4 months of eternity. It's been 4 months since I've touched the sweet soft skin of my beloved. It's been eternity since I've tasted those lips. Forever since I've brushed the hair from her face and gazed into those uniquely colored eyes with flecks of gold. And the weight of it seems more than I can bear. Last night I turned out the lights and tried to go to sleep. Usually I try to keep myself so busy that I can't stay awake any longer. Then I'll turn out the lights. But last night I decided I could probably nod off within a few minutes if I would just try. Why do we as parents tell our children to go back and try to go to sleep or try to take a nap. The harder you try the more awake you get. Sleep has to catch up with us, we can't catch up with it. That was the case for me. Then, in an effort to get more comfortable I rolled over in bed and, before I knew it, I reached for Wanda. And, I'll admit it, I totally lost it. That ugly cry face, snot bubble inducing, weep that I've become so familiar with of late. I needed so badly to touch and be touched by her. 

The new TV season is upon us and I cannot bear the thought of watching one of "our shows" without her. No more Bones, Castle, or even Amazing Race. During those shows I would lay my head in her lap and she would gentle rub my shoulders or scratch my back and I would make those little noises of contentment she told me she liked to hear. Instead I find myself sitting in the living room with the TV off but still staring at it. The tension in my shoulders, neck, and even my scalp and forehead is tighter than a three year-old's double knotted shoes. 

Several years ago I purchased a wonderful massage chair cushion to help remove the knots of a stressful business day. Over the last few months I've utilized that chair several times. But it does no good. Then, a couple of weeks ago I was getting my hair cut when it was suggested to me by one of the very special girls there that I should try this percussion massager they had. So I sat back down and she slipped the massager around my neck and shoulders and turned it on. I hit the on switch and felt the little drummer inside this apparatus try out a variety of rhythms on me. It was nice and, at times, I thought that the little drummer inside could rival the great Stephen (I call him Spartacus) Taylor in throwing down the beat. But when it was over it was over. Still, it beat nothing and it was kind of nice so I decided to look into buying one for myself. Before I did the beautiful nail tech at this salon told me to borrow theirs for a few days. So I have. And it is nice while its hacking away at my back, but when the five minutes is up then it's back to knotsville! 

What I have decided is that it's not just the massage that I need, it's the human touch. When the shoulders are rubbed by another person (who loves me rather than someone who does it for a paycheck) then the feeling last long after the massage is done. As I have mentioned before, my love language is physical touch. And I feel that love long after the physical touch has ended. Unfortunately, it doesn't last four months. And that feeling is hard to come by again. 

I'm thinking that perhaps I need to return the percussion massager and see if that nail tech or my hair dresser love me enough to rub my shoulders. I wonder what TV shows they like?