Why me Lord? What have I ever done?

Why me Lord?

What have I ever done?

This song sings out to me from my childhood. I remember listening to it in the early 70's, Kris Kristopherson's raspy voice rattling the speakers of my little transistor AM radio. Now, a few long decades later, the song takes on a new meaning. Dealing with the loss I've dealt with in my life, it would be easy to moan and complain. And the Lord himself knows that I wish things were different. More than one person has wondered on my behalf why bad things happen to good people. But my perspective is a bit different. So let me give you my personal thoughts on why bad things happen to me. 

First, I must say that I am honored that you, my friend, would consider me a good person. I most certainly could have been a better father. And my wife would be the second to tell you that I could have been a better husband (I would be the first). This may come as a shock to you but I am a sinner. I was a sinner before I met my wife. I was a sinner before we had our daughter. I was a sinner before I lost both of them. And, I will admit freely that I am still a sinner. I struggle to do the right things and to set the right examples every day. I fail to do the things I should do and do the things I shouldn't do on a regular basis. And then there is my thought life. If I were marked with the mark of Cain for every time I thought about bringing harm to some of the less intelligent drivers on the road then I would make a tattoo artist green with envy. I think we all tend to look at good in relation to another person. But if we follow that line of logic then the worst serial killer you can think of would be a saint compared to Hitler. So, in comparison to others I will agree I'm a good person. But that's not who I should be comparing myself to. Thank you for considering me a good person but I prefer to think of myself as someone who has been forgiven of much. Following that line of logic, I have been blessed by NOT getting what I deserve. 

Secondly, I think we have to look at the perspective of what I do have rather than what I no longer have. As a sinner I have been blessed with eternal life. This life is but a breath. We are a blip on the eternal screen. Eternal. What an incredible concept. In the 2000+ years since Christ was born I have been around for less than 3% of that time. My trials here encompass a small fraction of the life that God has intended for me. For 26 years I was blessed with an incredible wife. She was more than I deserved (and don't even try to convince me otherwise). She took care of me and taught me how to be a better father and a better husband. I learned so many lessons that, unfortunately she will not get to benefit from. For 15 years I had the joy of fathering and incredible young lady who's love and devotion to her Heavenly Father I can only hope to mirror. So I have been blessed beyond measure. 

Does this apply to everyone who has faced trials in their lives? That's not for me decide. And you know what, it's not for you to decide either. We each have to walk this road ourselves. Will you get to the final destination following the exact same path that I do? I pray you don't. I pray yours is much easier. 

Before you begin to think that I've got this grief thing licked I must assure you that I don't. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't cry over my losses. Some days more than others. I hurt more than most of you can imagine. And I ask you not to waste your time imagining. It's not healthy. Instead I ask that you do what I do to make it through the tougher moments. I focus on what God has really given me. I am a blessed man. Blessed beyond the curse. Yes, I've been hard pressed but not crushed. I've been persecuted but He hasn't abandoned me. And I most certainly have been struck down. Repeatedly. To my knees. But from those knees I have cried out to Jesus and He has made certain I've not been destroyed. Although I am alive I am always being given over to death for Jesus' sake. 

I just pray that when all is done I get to hear Him say, "Well done good and faithful servant."

Why me Lord?

What have I ever done?

To deserve even one,

Of the pleasures I've known.