Maintaining focus in a busy world

I walked along the shore line watching the emerald green waters merge with the soft white sand. Dancing above the water's surface the local birds darted and dashed between the waves in search of their next appetizer. Fluffy white clouds drifted in the sky sparking the imagination as the winds mold this gathering of condensation into shapes of hippos, Angels, or Snoopy. The powerful sunbeam punches holes in the imagination as it burns earthward. The smell of salt fills the air and a careful eye can spot the dolphin in the distance riding the wakes of passing vessels. 

Along the beach I watch people of various shapes and sizes fighting the battle of the bulge by pounding the sand step after step. Earbuds hang from their ears attached like umbilical cords to their musical devices. Caps pulled tight on their heads just above the sunglasses perched on their collective noses. UV rays burn through the sweat slowly roasting the unaware. Head down they strive to reach their goal. 

I walked along the mountainside watching the mountains work to reach out to their maker. A ceiling of lush green is my shelter from the bright sun. The ground crunches under my feet as I trod over a decaying carpet of leaves and twigs. Wildlife scurries among the low lying branches and out of harms way. A recent rain stirs a musty but pleasant aroma from the forest floor. The river that splits the mountains struggles to hold on to the water as steam rises in attempt to return the moisture to the sky. 

Along the highways busy motorists zoom from one location to the next, windows closed to the silence of nature. Radios blaring the latest tunes while status updates and pictures are posted by adolescents unaware of the amazing beauty that is flying past their windows at 70mph. 

As I study these environments I become aware of how blessed we are and how, due to those blessings, we become blind to our blessings. We have become numb to anything but that which causes us either immense joy or intense pain. We take our blessings for granted until we lose sight of them. 

What blessings have you forgotten to recognize as blessings? Your health? Your family? Your job? Your friends?

I have been blessed beyond measure in my life. I have not been crushed. I have not been abandoned. I have not been destroyed. Although at times I feel that way. And, I will admit a momentarily will lose sight of those blessings. I was blessed with a wonderful wife. She in turn blessed me with a beautiful daughter. I love the work that I do and I'm thankful for the jobs that I once had,but no longer do, that helped mold me for the work I do. 

Take a moment today and look beyond the noise. Stop running. Roll down the windows and let blessings wash over you. Take your focus off of what you don't have and the injustices of this world and focus on the blessings you do have. 

More importantly, focus on the One who gave those blessings to you. 

7 Steps to hearing God's voice in the midst of grief

One of the many things that those going through grief want is clear direction. They want to know it's okay to go on with their lives. And they want to know how and where to go. They pray for this direction on a regular basis and wait for God to speak to them. This leads me to a plethora of thoughts that I will try to assimilate in the next few paragraphs. 

I want to direct you to a passage of scripture that I recently saw in a different light. In 1 Kings, Chapter 19, we read that Elijah has found himself in a cave on the mountain of God. He had fled to the wilderness and told God he couldn't take it anymore. He asked God to take his life. In other words, to put him out of his misery. Instead God fed him and instructed him to go to Horeb, the mountain of God. 

Point 1: We are to prepare ourselves and go to the "Mountain of God" if we want to hear His voice. Where is your mountain? Is it your prayer closet? Is it your church? Your small group? Wherever you feel closest to God is your mountain. 

Once Elijah went to the mountain he found a cave and dwelled there. 

Point 2: Once you go to your mountain you must be willing to stay and listen for God to speak to you. 

While there God asked Elijah what he was doing (as if He didn't already know). Elijah cries out to God and tells Him that he is fearful for his life. The circumstances are so great that he knows it will just kill him to continue. So, what does God do? He directs him to step outside of his cave and step into the presence of the Lord. 

Point 3: To hear God speak you might have to step outside of your comfort zone. 

Once Elijah stepped outside God asked him AGAIN what he was doing and AGAIN Elijah told him exactly what was going on.  Verbatim. Was this the first biblical record of Deja Vu? Of course not. 

Point 4: Sometimes we may need to make it known more than once what it is we are seeking from God. 

After this there was a strong wind that tore the mountain apart. But the Lord was not speaking in the wind. Then came an earthquake. Still no voice from God. After the earthquake there was a fire. But God did not speak to him through the fire either. After all of that, God spoke in a gentle whisper. 

Point 5: Sometimes outside forces want to knock us off our feet. They make it feel as if the ground is giving away beneath us and then we have to go through the fire. But if we are patient God has a gentle answer for us. But we must make sure that we don't let the wind, the earthquake, and the fire, keep us from hearing what God has to say. 

After Elijah heard God's voice he followed the heavenly instructions and found Elisha in the field. Elisha left to follow Elijah and become his servant. 

Point 6: God may speak to you in a still small voice. And sometimes that voice may be through someone else rather than directly to you. And God will also give you someone to help you. Don't shut them out. 

Every other time I have read this scripture I have marveled at the way God chose to spoke. The focus had always been on how God didn't speak through the wind, the earthquake, and the fire but in a still small voice. This time I wondered if God was speaking during each of those events but Elijah just couldn't hear Him because his focus was on the chaos and not on the calm. 

Point 7: Focus on God and what He wants to tell you regardless of the madness around you. 

I hope this little mini-sermon spoke to you. I kind of miss leading the youth and teaching them. It felt good to hear that gentle whisper as God taught me this. I pray you will be able to hear what He wants to whisper to you. 

I'm giving up

God gave me more than I can handle. I'm sorry to say that I have just had to give up. And that was the end of the beginning. Whoever it was that said that God will never give you more than you can handle is a big fat stinky pants liar. God often gives us more than we can handle. Each of us. Some of us on a daily basis. But why would a God that loves me as much as he says he does give me more than I can handle? What kind of purpose does it serve? What good can come of it? 

During this past year, heck, over the last eight plus years, hundreds have done their best to help me carry his load the Lord dumped on my shoulders (cause I certainly didn't deserve this). But you, my friends, have failed. Yes, you may have temporarily eased the pain, but you couldn't make it go away. I've been emotionally waterboarded. My life has been filled with more pain than I can handle and more than my friends could handle for me - no matter how hard they tried. Why would God do that to me? Does he really hate me that much?

Anyone that knows me knows that I would never truly blame God for this temporary trial. I also have never questioned him. I've just tried to look at the last few years as being the leveling of the playing field. I was blessed with so much for so long that it was bound to happen. After all Steve Jobs amassed a fortune that he couldn't take with him. He gets blessed more than I could ever hope to be but can't spend it now. I was blessed with a wonderful family for several years. Now I am alone. 

So I officially have given up. There is no way I can carry this load like this. Alone. God gave me more than I can handle. 

But it's not more than he and I can handle together. And I have found that I can turn over more and more of the load to him. And guess what, he is phenomenally strong. He can handle this burden so I don't have too. He can lift it from my sore shoulders. And he has. The funny thing is I seem to think that if he will just carry it for a little while that I'll rest and take it back from him. But he doesn't want me to take it back. And I will admit that I like the shoulders being a little less sore lately. 

So if you see me walking down the street whistling a happy little tune don't think it is because I'm over it. I'm not. Instead I have God's love and peace over me. I may not be over it, but he's over me and that will return a smile to my face every time. 

What are you doing with your burden. Are you like me? Do you keep giving it to the Lord only to try to take it back from him because you don't want to burden him with your troubles? Have you ever seen a child struggle to carry something that is very heavy to them? You reach down and take it from them and they are awestruck at your strength. I think it's time we both learned to be awestruck. Can we both agree to just give it up?

I think I found the purpose. I think I've found the good that can come of it. 

The end of the beginning

What is it that causes a turning point in grief and when should you expect it? I wish I had the answer for everyone. I cannot remember when the turning point was when I lost my child. I just remember that one day I realized that it had been a few days since I had really cried over my loss. I know I was not over the loss. You never truly get over a loss like that. But I had reached that point where I began to truly focus on the present and the new future. I certainly wasn't running away from the past- although the past might have thought so when it shot me in the back of the head a few times during my getaway. But I had changed my view. I was now looking at the finish line of the race rather than the starting line. 

The loss of my wife was a greater blow. But I do know the turning point then. It was day number 366. And it couldn't have gotten here fast enough. The 11th month was the hardest since the first. Anticipation of the one year mark was a huge burden and I tried my best to bear it alone. Stupid mistake. But on day 366 a switch was flipped in my brain. The remainder of my life still needed to be lived. The race I was running still had a few more markers to pass until I passed the finish line. But on day 366 I changed my view. I stopped looking at where I had been and started looking where I was going. 

The past couple of weeks I have been going through some of their things and sorting them out. This house is now my house. And the ghosts of memories are prevalent in every square inch of it. Those ghosts are not attached to items. I know this because the memories do not disappear just because I threw away a can of hairspray that will no longer be used. Those ghosts, those memories, will forever be seared in my brain. 

Today I went to the calendar my wife had on the front of the fridge. It was dated June 2014 but she had not yet written anything other than the dates. We had only gotten back from our last vacation and she had not written down the plans for the month. The future for her had not yet been written. Today I recognized that it was time to start planning my future. It is no longer our future. We had a past. And, for the most part, it was an incredibly wonderful past. But the future belongs to me. 

Last weekend I was walking the hallway in my church, probably with a little one in my arms, and trying to listen to my pastor over the speakers. I didn't catch all he said at that time but I did hear him quote a scripture. "Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart. (Hebrews 12:1-3 NIV)

I have chosen to "throw off the past" and focus on Jesus more than I have been this past year. He endured so much more than I did. And He did it knowing the joy that was set before Him. I too have that joy. And a family that waits for me at the finish line.