I'm giving up

God gave me more than I can handle. I'm sorry to say that I have just had to give up. And that was the end of the beginning. Whoever it was that said that God will never give you more than you can handle is a big fat stinky pants liar. God often gives us more than we can handle. Each of us. Some of us on a daily basis. But why would a God that loves me as much as he says he does give me more than I can handle? What kind of purpose does it serve? What good can come of it? 

During this past year, heck, over the last eight plus years, hundreds have done their best to help me carry his load the Lord dumped on my shoulders (cause I certainly didn't deserve this). But you, my friends, have failed. Yes, you may have temporarily eased the pain, but you couldn't make it go away. I've been emotionally waterboarded. My life has been filled with more pain than I can handle and more than my friends could handle for me - no matter how hard they tried. Why would God do that to me? Does he really hate me that much?

Anyone that knows me knows that I would never truly blame God for this temporary trial. I also have never questioned him. I've just tried to look at the last few years as being the leveling of the playing field. I was blessed with so much for so long that it was bound to happen. After all Steve Jobs amassed a fortune that he couldn't take with him. He gets blessed more than I could ever hope to be but can't spend it now. I was blessed with a wonderful family for several years. Now I am alone. 

So I officially have given up. There is no way I can carry this load like this. Alone. God gave me more than I can handle. 

But it's not more than he and I can handle together. And I have found that I can turn over more and more of the load to him. And guess what, he is phenomenally strong. He can handle this burden so I don't have too. He can lift it from my sore shoulders. And he has. The funny thing is I seem to think that if he will just carry it for a little while that I'll rest and take it back from him. But he doesn't want me to take it back. And I will admit that I like the shoulders being a little less sore lately. 

So if you see me walking down the street whistling a happy little tune don't think it is because I'm over it. I'm not. Instead I have God's love and peace over me. I may not be over it, but he's over me and that will return a smile to my face every time. 

What are you doing with your burden. Are you like me? Do you keep giving it to the Lord only to try to take it back from him because you don't want to burden him with your troubles? Have you ever seen a child struggle to carry something that is very heavy to them? You reach down and take it from them and they are awestruck at your strength. I think it's time we both learned to be awestruck. Can we both agree to just give it up?

I think I found the purpose. I think I've found the good that can come of it.