I once was lost...

Who do you go to when your go to person is gone? Who do you share your day with when the person you would most want to share the rest of your life with is no longer there? Who do you tell your dreams to? Who will listen to you cry and cry with you? In spite of what you may think intimacy is, men, this is true intimacy. If you have those times when something occurs and you can't wait to get home and tell your wife, you have found intimacy. If you can't wait to hear what is going on in her life, you have found intimacy. If you can't imagine a future without her, you have found intimacy. And I bet you weren't even looking for it. 

Gentlemen, don't take this for granted. If you look at the woman who was the woman of your dreams and she no longer holds that position of honor, then, you have lost that intimacy. If you look forward to time away from the one person you couldn't imagine life without, then you have lost that intimacy. If you spend time with the woman who shares your last name and that time is spent in silence, you have lost that intimacy. And I'm here to tell you that it is harder to get it back than it was to attain in the first place. 

How do you keep that intimacy? I am no expert as my wife and I had our own ups and downs. But I waited too long to do all I should've been doing in the first place. There were so many things that I wanted to share with her in the journey we were supposed to take. So many things left unsaid and undone. A relationship is not a convenience store transaction. It is not supposed to be there for what we can quickly get out of it. It is, instead, more like a financial institution. A place to deposit our life so we can watch it grow. It's funny how we treat our relationship like we do our church. Expect to get everything just for being who we are. 

We gave her our last name. Do we sometimes think that she is honored to have it? That that, and that alone, should require her to do the things for us we want done. Dinner. Housework. Sex. Do we feel she is obligated to that because we work hard to put food on the table and a roof over her head? If so, then you have your work cut out for you. 

Regaining lost intimacy is like trying to fill up a leaking bucket. We have to patch the leaks while simultaneously filling the bucket. And, once the bucket is full, we have to maintain that bucket because every time she does something for you she draws from that bucket. And, if you have allowed this bucket to drain completely due to all of the cracks in it, you are going to have to patch those cracks before you can ever hope to refill it. But once you do refill it then you must continue to fill to overflowing. 

I share this with you not because I was a perfect husband, but because her life was over before I had a chance to attain perfection. I share this with you because I don't want you having the same regrets I have. I share this with you because I want you to recognize, sooner than I did, what makes a perfect home. I share this with you because there has to be a reason for my losses and that reason may be you. And, finally, I share this with you because I don't have anyone else to share it with. You may never attain perfection. Lord knows I haven't. And I'm sure my wife would tell you the same if she could. But the journey sure can be fun if you'll make the investment.