I get by with a little help from my friends

Through the journey of grief there are always those that step out of the shadows and show you what true friendship is like. I recognize that people handle grief differently and writing has been very helpful to me. But sometimes writing is not enough. You can't hold writing. It can't sit next to you and ask you how you're doing. It can't call or text and check on you. It's during those times you need a friend. But friends have lives too. They don't all stay up way too late at night and wait for your blog post. They have responsibilities of their own and, no matter how good a friend they are, they are not thinking about you 24/7. And, even if they do think about you often, they don't always contact you to tell you that. If you are on a journey of grief you can't expect to have someone with you around the clock just to make you feel better. And, if you haven't traveled the road of grief, then no matter how much I write about it, you will never truly understand the journey. 

I found out today that a friend who checks up on me almost every day and who brings her little girls to see me quite often while I'm at work, will be moving in about 6 weeks. When they are gone then my relationship with them will be limited to Skype and visits on rare occasions when they come home. But I know the girls, and their momma, are so ready to see daddy on a much more regular basis. And I'm excited for the place God has them in their life. 

Even though these, and other friends as well, check up on me fairly regularly, they cannot be there during all of my lows (and I'm not sure it would be fair for them to have to be around me when the lows hit). And, as a guy, I'm not good about just calling or texting just anyone and saying that I need help out of a low spot. And, if I did, what good could they really do me? I would only make them feel as helpless as I do. And that isn't fair to them. So, I will do the guy thing and not ask for help. I'll throw the assembly directions way, toss the map, turn of the GPS, and muddle my way through. Because that's what us guys do. 

Most of my blogs are written in an effort to help someone who is also experiencing grief, to know they are not alone and maybe make them feel a little less crazy. And I hope it's working because I really need to know that some good can come from my journey. But I want to close this blog with some suggestions for those that are watching a friend grieve. So here are some steps to follow to help the griever:

1. Pray. Don't just say you will, but honestly pray. Even if it is quick one when they come to mind. 

2. Share your favorite memories of your time with the loved one who was lost. 

3. Pray

4. Call or text them when they are on your mind - regardless of the time. 

5. Go through your pictures and find any you might have of the person who passed and share them with the griever. 

6. Don't be afraid to be around the griever. I know it is uncomfortable to have to look that closely at grief. But perhaps a closer look will make you recognize how precious the gift of life is and be more thankful for the blessings you have received. 

7. Regardless of how long ago the grief event was, remind the griever that you are thinking of them. A note, a text, and email, or a call don't need to take long. 

8. Don't run away. One loss in our lives is enough. Don't let us lose your friendship too. 

9. Be willing to listen to old stories of our loved one since we don't have any new ones.

10. Pray. 

These are just ten of the many things you can do to help your friend in need. And I'm especially not just talking about me. Think of a friend you know that is grieving a loss and try one or two of the above on them. I'm certain they will be grateful and you will be so greatly blessed!