ChChChCh Changes

Change. They say change is good. And I can't disagree. At least not 100%. But I really believe that the change the proverbial "they" is referring to is change that you choose to make. Not change that is forced on you. I've never been totally resistant to change. At least in many areas of my life. Things change and so you must change with them. In my business I have found this to be true. In my personal life as well. But I have found that resistance to change is elevated in my personal life. 

In business I know I am not operating as I was even ten years ago. I must follow the current of the marketplace. Computers are an integral part of my operations whereas they were simply a necessary evil at the turn of the millennium. The products I sell and the way they are fabricated have also undergone some wholesale changes. And all of these changes truly are for the better. 

In my personal life the changes over that same time period have been much more drastic. First, learning to live without my child. Missing those things I once begrudgingly attended. No more dance recitals. No more soccer games. No more noisy sleep-overs. But also, no more snuggles with my little girl in my lap. No more donut runs. No more daddy-daughter date nights. Now, even more recently, learning to live without my spouse. I would like to think that if I knew where I would be today, if I knew how much I would progress and how to make that progression 11 months ago, that it would've made things so much easier last June. But I would be lying to myself. The changes I have undergone have been forced upon me. Just today I found another simple reason to miss my bride. And it was a purely selfish reason. I got too much sun. I have no one to apply the soothing lotion to my back. I have no one to scratch it when it itches so bad as it heals. Yes, some changes really (insert your adjective here).

The other thing I have noticed is how much I have changed over the last quarter of a century. Changes that both my child and my wife caused me to make. The lid - both of them- gets put down EVERY time. My shoes come off at the door. The dishes are cleaned before I head to bed. I shave in the shower because it makes it easier to clean up. Dirt and clutter bother me. I put away all of my toys before going to bed. I remain a gentleman around the ladies... mostly. 

In the last eleven months there have been a number of other changes I have had to make. I wash my own clothes every time. I pay the bills. I've learned how to sleep in the bed alone (except for my daughter's stuffed dog). I pick out my own clothes. I pack my own suitcase when I go on trips. I cook. Well, that last one is a bit of a stretch. The list is endless. But I've noticed how much of these things I do I choose to do my wife's old way. I try to honor her that way. 

Now is the time to face the biggest change though. The change in my heart. My love for my wife will never go away. And anyone that chooses to spend any of the rest of my life with me knows that or they don't get to spend any of the rest of my life with me. My heart has scabbed over. There are scars. It is bruised and beaten. It has been pressed, persecuted, struck down, but it has not been crushed, abandoned or destroyed. The attacks of the devil have been numerous and they have knocked me to my knees. I fall down. But I get up. And now it is time for me to step out there and truly see what this heart wants for the rest of my life. More importantly it's time for me to see what the Lord wants for my heart. And one day, maybe months from now, maybe years, I hope to be able to share with you, dear reader, how God can restore if you'll let Him.