Every year for the last seven I have missed my daughter at our Christmas gatherings whether at my family's or her mother's family's. I was so proud watching her show her appreciation and how she matured as she got older. She had just reached that age where she enjoyed watching other people open their gifts as much, if not more than, opening her own. She wanted to see the joy in other's faces. And I can vividly remember her last Christmas both at home and at my parent's house.
This year her absence was felt more than it has in a few years. This time her mom wasn't around to watch the cousins open their presents. And this time I wanted to make it a special Christmas. So each child was given a few things that belonged to my daughter. My nephew, quite the bibliophile himself, was given five books in a series of books that my daughter enjoyed. That and a frisbee she threw like a girl. Before I left the festivities I took him out back and we threw the frisbee back and forth (and into a number of objects) for a while. I would say that it reminded me of throwing the frisbee with my child but my nephew could throw whereas my kid... Well, she was a great singer.
The oldest niece received a devotional that my daughter read through when she was close to the same age. It gives her something to read and discuss with her parents every day for a year. I also included a couple of fiction books geared for a pre-teen girl. But the most prized possession would have to be the scarf that her cousin knit herself. For the last seven years that scarf has been draped across a bench at the foot of our bed. The scarf had grand designs of being a blanket one day but my daughter never got the chance to finish it. Perhaps my niece will use it as a scarf for awhile and then, once she becomes proficient at knitting, she can continue the blanket project.
The next niece, the one I remember feeding a bottle at our child's last Christmas was next. For quite some time now her Gran has called her "dolphin eyes" because of her big beautiful brown eyes. So she was given a dolphin mini statue that was cut from a beautiful stone. She was also given a travel tic-tac-toe game that uses Velcroed dolphins and whales rather than X's and O's. And lastly she received a orca beanie baby that was the closest thing I could find to a dolphin amongst the dozens of stuffed animals we still have.
The youngest niece on my side of the family was given the biggest gift. My daughter had a pair of butterfly wings as part of a costume. She loved butterflies. So my youngest niece is now the proud wearer of butterfly wings. Also included in the bag of gifts (I'm a guy and we don't wrap) was a stuffed dog that was so soft and just seemed to call out to be adopted by another little girl.
Not having my daughter there with me was emotional draining. Not having my wife with me opened the taps all the way. We did end the evening on a fun note with a gift for my mother she never saw coming that had us all laughing. But when the wrapping paper was all picked up and cake and ice cream was served I began to work my way toward the door (unfortunately leaving behind the wonderful hand-made gift from my nieces). It was time for me to go home and be alone. The first of my first Christmas days was over. They never are as hard as you expect them to be, but they don't make the next ones any easier.
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