Last Monday found me planning a trip to the hospital to check up on my brother who had to spend a few days there due to surgery. This followed a trip earlier in the month to see him in the same hospital as the doctors diagnosed what was going on with him and the steps needed to remedy the problem. So, in other words, I've been to the hospital twice this month. Fortunately it was not THE hospital. I still can't do that. But it was a hospital nonetheless. The same whirs, buzzes, beeps, smells, and sights exist in every hospital. Whirs, buzzes, beeps, smells, and sights that I'm all too familiar with as I sat by Wanda's bedside the last five days of her life here on earth. But, when its family, you do what you have to do. And I love my brother very much and needed to see him even if he didn't need to see me.
During this last visit we had a few minutes alone and I sat and watched him sleep. The quiet and stillness in the room worked their magic on me as well and I nodded off for a couple of minutes myself. That's all it took for us to have a couple more visitors as my wife and my daughter walked in the room hand-in-hand. Wanda was wearing dark blue scrubs and Beth was probably about nine or ten years old. They walked right in the door and smiled at me and then at Uncle Paul. And then I woke up. But that picture is seared in my mind.
The nurse came in a few minutes later to check on him so I stepped out of the room. I hated to see my brother in pain and I knew there was about to be a little pain as she cleaned his surgical incisions. I stood in the hallway trying to grasp what I had just seen in my mind's eye. My wife and daughter had to come check up on Uncle Paul. I have had a number of dreams about Wanda the last five months but this was the first I could remember of both of them together.
When my parents walked up a few minutes later I was standing in the hallway. I couldn't tell them about the dream. As a matter of fact, they are finding out about it probably through this blog. I couldn't tell them because I knew what it was like to sit and watch your child in a hospital. And the last thing I needed to do was to start the waterworks. And this time at the hospital was not about me and my loss. It was about my brother and the focus needed to remain on him. But I did send him a text to tell him that Wanda and Beth came to see him.
If I had not been there I wouldn't have seen my family. I doubt I would have had the same dream in the comfort of my own home. I think sometimes God puts us in places where we are going to be uncomfortable. He tests us to see if we are willing to put our own needs aside and still value others better than ourselves. (Philippians 2:3) In the midst of this uncomfortable time God can give us peace and reward us for our faithfulness. God gave me a gift that day. And I didn't mind sharing that gift with my brother. Not at all.
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